What if you find out that he has cheated? What if you cheated? Well, before you kill off the relationship, consider that infidelity, while not the norm, is still fairly commonplace. The National Research Opinion Center at the University of Chicago showed that in 2019, that among married couples, about 22 percent of men and 13 percent of women admit they’ve cheated at least once. Basically, the same finding as in 2009.

What’s changed in the last 10+ years? Some authors believe that women are cheating as much as men but for different reasons. For example, Alicia Walker, in The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife, claims that women, more than men, are looking for better sex rather than intimacy. And they would prefer to stay married.

Even spouses who describe themselves as “at least pretty happy” with their marriages have reported that they themselves had an affair. Yet according to research on divorcing couples, most people don’t break up because of an affair; they separate because they’ve lost their feelings of closeness, appreciation, friendship, and connection. So despite the popular belief that to take him back is idiotic, many prominent couples therapists and researchers believe that you can get through the affair. In fact, you can build a stronger, healthier relationship.


What if He Has Cheated? Signs of An Affair

In my clinical experience, “Once a cheater, always a cheater” is just not true. There are many people who have learned painful lessons from previous mistakes and have gone on to become great husbands and wives. Couples that have decent chemistry and benefits for both partners can work through the crisis of an affair. Not only that, they can become closer and put an end…

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